Yeah? No.

I never like to complain about my job. This blog isn’t 100% satire but either way I like to keep generic real life whining out of it as I don’t find that interesting to read. Yes, I do find people screaming about lucozade and roaring about video games entertaining, before you ask.

Simply put, I am amazing at my job. In spite of this (or perhaps, because of it?) I am exploited endlessly by the other plebes, peons and peasants. You know what really gets me livid? You don’t care? Won’t stop me from telling you. When people treat me as some sort of… fall-back or reliable cover. Simply put, if they can’t do something themselves, or get their #1 person to do it, they turn to me like, “Oh, you can do it!”  You know what else I can do? RAGE.

You seem mad.

I am! So mad. Thinking of me as someone who exists only to deal with their shit when they can’t find anyone else to deal with it? You can’t comprehend how much disgust this fills me with. Oh, it’s not just a problem with work, either. It extends into my (rather limited) social life as well. If people can’t hang out with group A, then sure, why not hang out with ol’ Lant, he’ll be up for it!!!

How dare they treat me like that? There comes a point in any relationship I have between people who, once they pass this point (which I cannot elaborate on, for numerous reasons, one of which is to avoid seeming big headed (…)) they stop doing that. That doesn’t help though! It just means they suddenly value me for a whole different set of skills! Being wanted for that alone does not please me. No, I’m not lonely and I don’t really want to hang out with these people in the first place, it’s just the logic that they consider me a backup option. Do you understand how ridiculous that is? It’s like saying; Oh, I could eat this delicious steak, but nah… this dog shit is closer, I’ll gobble that down! In fact, that’s a perfect way to sum up this whole situation.

Yes, I have a big head in some ways – I know that I’m smarter than most of these people.

MM BUT LANT U DROPED OUTA SCHOL AT 16 HOW CAN U BE SMARTA GOR U CORNA D BOI

Ah yes, let’s review the situation; those that haven’t dropped out of university live miserable lives – so miserable that they look forwards to getting drunk out of their minds because the only time they can enjoy themselves is when they forget how awful their lives are. I, on the other hand, have a fairly enjoyable life with very limited stress. Even if I wasn’t talking about basic intelligence (the difference between knowledge and wisdom is a big part too) I’d still say I’m smarter than they are. If being smart is what allows you to be happy, then yes, I am very smart.

I’m a perfectionist and I value friends above almost anything. I don’t believe in almostperfect. As such, it distresses me when people treat me in this way, out of common ignorance. I know just how shallow people are, but surely they can comprehend that it is not a nice way to go about? “Hey X, my other friends are busy, do you want to hang out?” Really? “Hey X, nobody else wants to do this, maybe you can give it a shot?” REALLY? When I come to power, all those who have belittled me in such ways will experience the triple quadruple 1080 gookblooka bumtickler supremo fannyjabba horse-breaker cunt-trundling old McDonald had a frozen mamigurgla deluxo-blista pisscauldron hurtla whiffaslamma technique AKA neck snap.

After considering it, I’m not really sure which is worse. At work, they know all too well my skill set, yet they still treat me as a backup? I can only assume this is because I’m younger than a lot of them, and they just get angry at the thought of me being better at their job than they are. Outside of work, people do this until they realise just how good I am at certain things, at which point, oh they suddenly can’t get enough! Yes, I think that might be even worse.

I’ve managed to cheer myself up writing this post (and who wouldn’t be amused at the thought of a pisscauldron whiffaslamma?) and I’ve also just realised that, hey, if these people are gonna treat me like some sort of juice that’s been at the back of the fridge for a while and they are only gonna drink it because they’ve run out of lucozade… why should I continue treating them with the same respect that I show to more or less everyone? Answer? I won’t. Not that I’m stooping to their level, oh good heavens no, it’s more a case of I HATE THESE PEOPLE AND WOULD ENJOY WATCHING THEM FALL INTO A WELL FULL OF FLESH EATING SPIDERS or indeed sparking them in the face.

Ultimately, I know who my friends are – my actual friends, that is. Perhaps it’s time I treat them better than I treat everyone else, as opposed to treating everyone equally nicely. It’s not even a case of “no more Mr Nice Guy” as I’m not a nice guy after all. Even if I do try to show people respect, from now on they have to earn it. What makes it all the sweeter is that I know they’ll come crawling back eventually, they always do.

MMM LANT U NIGRA WAT MAKES U FINK IL COME CRAWLAN BAK – REMAMABA, I TREAT U AS BAKUP M8 AFTER ALL OTHA M8S ARE SLAMMI’D

Supposition! They’ll realise that I never offered them these things. Why would I? Why would I offer to hang out with people like that? I have enough friends. They on the other hand, have 500,000 facebook friends and not enough real friends. That’s why they ask me, that’s why they’ll grow to miss me, and at that point, I’ll tell them that I can’t go out that night, as I’m too busy weeding and planting flowers. I’ll be sure to try my very best to punish them and make them feel like shit, for daring to think that I live my life based around their interests.

Hmm. I feel good now. I haven’t ranted for a while and that’s been on my chest for quite some time. I suppose it is partially my fault for getting involved with such idiots in the first place, but hey, people have needs and flowers need watering. How many idiots have I met in even the last year? Looking at my IMs… yes, on AIM and YIM (both of which I use for peons) each, I have many times the number of contacts I have on pidgin (which I use for friends and such associates.) What does that say? Well, you need to sort through a lot of shit to find something worth sniffing. That said, I’ve met one person I would consider moving up to pidgin level, as they’ve proved that a year on, they are true with not only me, but themselves. There’s a lot of people who I seem to get along fine with at first, but over time, I discover how sad they are. On the contrary, this one person who I’ve spoken to, they might have started off a little odd, but lately I’ve realised they are the only one I can truly tolerate.

I feel good now. I won’t have to complain about such trivial things for a while and hey, I don’t even need to publish this, just writing it made me feel a lot better. (Believe me, there’s some pointless unpublished posts lying around here, lots of them.) I think I will publish this one however, as unlike the others which are generally just pointless whining, there’s one lesson that I have learned from all this; I don’t need to tolerate people just because I feel that I should do.

Anyway, in other news, Gintama has started again and I’m enjoying that a lot. I have also used some of my late evenings/mornings working recently to re-watch the Kara no Kyokai movies in HD. The official blu-rays have English subs, which is really cool, but I don’t have a blu-ray player. I expect my next two posts will be a DW7 review, and a large post about the Gears of War 3 beta (now that all three game types have been unlocked and all the maps are out and I’ve had enough time to get a feel for it.) For now, the new banner should tell you enough about my thoughts on Gears 3.

Let’s see what happens with New York. Next week will be an interesting one.

Gears of War 3 Beta Impressions

I’ll update this properly later.

For now? My reaction to the beta can be summed up thusly;

You might think that because I’m playing against only those fans dedicated enough to have paid £40 for the beta (Bulletstorm EE) or those lucky enough to get early access codes… that I would not be doing that good.

Nope.

2.1 k/d and I’m MVP’ing in practically every match.

Is this… the power of dedicated servers?

Only downside I’ve come up with so far is that the retro lancer is too powerful at close range, it needs to be toned down a little. Even with that, the weapons are much better balanced than Gears 2. I’m loving it a lot so far.

GEARS WEEK 2011

…IT’S TIME.

IT’S HERE (THE BETA.)

Dynasty Warriors 7

So, I’ve been playing Dynasty Warriors 7 the last few days (although GAME didn’t send me my pen, what’re you doing, GAME?) and I am impressed. I’ve been a fan of Dynasty Warriors since summer 2001, that’s essentially 10 years. Has there ever been a franchise quite like that? No, not at all. I enjoyed Ocarina of Time, Majora’s Mask and Wind Waker… but the Zelda franchise has fallen flat for me, the gap between releases and the fact that not many of my friends play it means there’s little to discuss. I suppose you could say, despite the games being fine indeed, it lacks that special something.

That special something is what Dynasty Warriors has always had. It was the first PS2 game I ever played, and much like how Turok for the N64 and Sonic for the Megadrive (and indeed Gears of War for the 360) it was a defining experience; there’s nothing quite like running around China obliterating waves of peons at a time. Sure the games lack a lot of things and they aren’t amazing… but they are fun, that’s all that matters for me.

After the disappointment of DW4 and DW6, it’s nice to have a game that is almost everything I wanted in a current-gen Dynasty Warriors. It still lacks proper online (by which I mean, in story mode) and a versus mode, and there’s two many dao/sword users, but for the most part, it’s brilliant, it reminds me of DW3 – the days where things could be simple yet complex. Practically everything has been improved since 6 and one thing that is by far the best in the series to date is the story mode; despite being vaguely akin to DW4′s horrible kingdom mode, they pulled it off well.

This isn’t a review obviously, although I may do one in the future. I just wanted to say that, hey, if you’re a DW fan who loved the best in the series (DW3) you should pick up DW7, as it’s a return to form… I expect good things for DW8, Koei.

ALSO WHERE’S MY JAPANESE VOICES? I NEED YAMADA AND YOU’RE ICING.

OH, CAN’T FORGET WANG JUGS EITHER – HER ENGLISH VOICE IS UNFITTING AND TOO OLD.

Now, make like Zhang Fei and know when to quit!

WHEN SWORDS CANNOT

SO BIG MIKE WAS ROUND EARLIER AND WE PLAYED DW3 AND DOA4 AND BB AND ALL THIS GOOD SHIT.

ALL IT DID WAS REAFFIRM WHAT I ALREADY KNEW:

• DW3 IS BRILLIANT.
• I STILL HAVE THE SPIKE ARENA SKILLS.
• AS DOES BIG MIKE.
• NU WA SCREECHES LIKE A CAT BEING YAMADA’D.
• DOA4 IS GREAT.
• 7–7 FINAL SCORE, AS EXPECTED OF NEMESIS.
• BLAZBLUE IS SHIT.
• THE 3DS MITE B COOL.
• BIG MIKE IS STILL GETTING BIGGER, WTF.
• MORTAL MEN AND WOMEN DEFENDING YOUR OWN REALM IS NOT ABOUT DEATH… BUT LIFE.

HEY HEY.

SAMURAI HEART.

FFID STATS

HEY HEY SAMURAI HEART (SOME LIKE IT HOT)

THAT’S SUCH A PUN I ATE MY CATHUASRUAHRAURURRRJOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

I see these little wankers floating about from time to time so I thought I might as well do one for the bros of FFID. One flaw; everybody in FFID is male. So… because it’s a sausage fest of sorts (don’t judge me, these are based off old RP characters, how many female characters can you take seriously in RP? Not many.) it means there’s little point doodling in the male/female bit.

BIG MIKE insisted that Jorae be female, but he will fall and possibly break his neck.

And from his corpse I’ll upload these images.

YOU’RE A FOOL, MAXWELL, NO MAN UPLOADS A 50% COMPLETE IMAGE FROM THE COVER OF THEIR NEXT BOOK AND PRETENDS THEY CREATED IT FOR OTHER MEANS.

DAMARE.

In the world of FFID, Lant is quite literally perfect/peerless in some regards. Or at least, nobody better bothers to come along and headbutt him.

That’s the two “villains” if you can call them that, which you really can’t. Either way, next time I’ll upload the two “heroes” aka Montciel and Erthus. You can imagine what’s to expect with Erthus’s face score – yes; it’ll be lower than Lant’s.

April Fools

You’re a cunt welding old hooker.