DUN DUN DUN DE DUN DUN DIDDLY DUN DUN
…OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOEEE OOOOOOOO OOOOOO
FRAHLO, FRAHLO, FRAHLO
DUN DUN DUN DUN
FRAHLO, FRAHLOOOOOOOOOYEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHEEEEEEEEEERHEEEEEEEEEEEEEH
FRAHLO, FRAHLO, FRAHLO
DUN DUN DUN DUN
FRAHLO, FRAHLOOOOOOOOOYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHEEEEEEEERHEEEEEEH-OOOOOOOOOOOOOO
There’s nothing better than listening to some good ol’ Incubus – Frahlo when you’re waiting for some shitty ass torrent to download – that’s right, a torrent, downloading SLOWLY. !?!!?!?!?!?!?!?! I KNOW!
Well, it’s the torrent for the E7 movie,and it’s currently at 30% and is going at the amazing speed of 60kb/s. It ranges from anything as low as 5 to as high as 400. Grr, well at least it has been subbed. Seems like it’s been done by a competent group. Shame there’s no DDLs up so far from what I can find, I also tried to use the xdcc but my irc client decided it didn’t like the idea of a 4gb+ file transfer and killed itself. Thus I’m stuck with torrents. Slow torrents. Mostly because 99.99999% of people who use torrents just go HEUAHUAEHAU I DOWNLAOD AND SET MY UPLOAD RATE TO 1KB/S AHAUHKUKUDICKRAMMATHEFIFTHEMPEROROFANUSDELVARIA and then close the torrent the second it reaches 100%. I wish more people would seed, even if it was only for the duration of watching the movie, it’s better than nothing. Perhaps I could understand if people had like “upload limits” or something..but it still seems like faggotry bullshittus to me.
Anyway..I finished Ninja Gaiden 2’s story for the first time today. I quite enjoyed it, and I’m not really sure why people were whining about the camera and stuff, I got annoyed at the camera like..once, throughout the entire game. Pretty much every complaint I’ve seen has been invalid – whether they were improved by patches and I didn’t see them as I bought the game late, I dunno. “Enemies pop up where you can’t see them, it’s unfair!”, uuuh not so much. I don’t really know what it’s called, but if you press X+A you do a jump that automatically moves towards enemies. I just spammed that when I was moving as it was faster than running anyway..and it let me know when enemies spawned.
Whilst the gameplay isn’t (in my opinion) as good as DMC3 and DMC4, I did enjoy the game a lot. It’s mostly opinion, yes, I prefer games that aren’t so much “combo” based and more “freeform” so to speak. Compare the number of combos in NG2 to DMC4, each weapon has FUCKTONS of combos in NG2, almost as many as characters in SCIV, in comparison. This is probably just how I play, but I pretty mucH AWHEOAWHEOA WOW CHRIST ALMIGHTY EXPLODING ANUS MINES. I just looked over where my fan is for no real reason and out of the corner of my eye I saw some motherfucker on my wall what the fuck is that. I think it’s a..I don’t know. It looks sort of like a spider, or a papi long m8s..uuugh son of a bitch I can’t stop staring at it now. You little fucker get out of here. I can..only count 6 legs. 4 long ones and 2 smaller front ones. Carmine from my Gears poster is staring at it angrily. I hate these fucking bugs, it’s too high up for me to wallopa it with the insect catcher thing too. I could throw a knife at it considering it’s on my poster wall, but I get the impression I’m not good enough at throwing sharp objects to accomplish that feat.
Uuh where was I, oh right, so I generally tend to slamma the buttons pretty hard, I don’t usually have the patience to remember to press XX->YYYYXXAY or something, in a fighting game or whatever. I pretty much just smasha the buttons. I can do it, sure, I just find it to tedious to do in the middle of a frantic situation. That’s why I prefer DMC4, even if it’s essentially the same thing. Instead of XX-YYYXXAY or whatever, it’s DPAD UP ->B <-X DPAD RIGHT A,XXX DPAD RIGHT, A,BB, A,BB, DPAD RIGHT A,BBB A DPAD LEFT, B. Or something like that, to do a trickster->jump cancel/rebellion/yamato/gunslinger finish. I suppose it’s not really too different..but..shrug, I’m not sure how to explain it. I do prefer DMC. In Ninja Gaiden it feels like you really have to take advantage of the SAF/invincibility frames from things like ninpo/UT/Obliterations. That’s okay I guess..it’s just not so much my style as in DMC. Overall, I’m not so much a defensive player, although on DMD in DMC4 I did swap to Royal Guard/Gilgamesh to fight certain enemies. RG/Gilgamesh videos are also my favourite to watch for DMC4, as for me, I generally used a mix of Swordmaster/Gilgamesh/Yamato, although I enjoyed all the weapons and styles. I tend to favour very very offensive playstyles.
Back to NG2, I really really like the obliteration techniques and the way limbs fall off, it’s great. Doesn’t feel like a crappy gimmick either, which is surprising! It also appeals to my “violence fetish.” I love me slicing up some enemies, the captain falcon gloves are especially brutal. As for weapons, there’s a great variety, but I got the feeling there were too many “dual wield weapons”, so to speak, the vigoorian flail, tonfa, falcon talons, dual swords and kusari gama are all sort of dual wield weapons. I would’ve liked to see a two handed claymore/longsword but it’s not really a huge complaint. I really liked the lunar staff earlier on in the game mostly because the 360 UT was fucking awesome. LOL YOU FUCKING NINJA YOU THINK YOU’RE PRETTY GOOD HOW ABOUT I CAVE YOUR SKULL IN WITH THIS HUGE FUCKING STAFF WITH SPINNING NANNYCRUSHAZ ON THE END. OH WAIT THAT’S NOT ALL I’M NOW GOING TO TRIPLE POKE YOUR ASS INTO THE AIR AND HIT YOU WITH THE WHORE DROP.
That guy doesnt’ actually finish it up with the WHORE DROP but you get the idea.
Oh, the whore drop is the Izuna drop, I call it the WHORE DROP because he screams HOOOOOO/WHOOORE whilst he does it.
As you can see he doesn’t think too highly of his foes. It’s more or less his trademark move, and it’s like an instant kill on most humanoids in NG2.
As for the weapons themselves, my favourites were; the Vigoorian flail, for its amazing 2nd level UT and its fucking awesome variation of the flying swallow, it’s like I’M REALLY JUMP CANCELLING WITH TRICKSTER! I also really really liked the 2nd level UT of the tonfa, which you can see in that video, it’s just so amazingly brutal, you can practically hear their entire bodies being ground to pulp, lovely. I also enjoyed using the lunar staff on groups of weaker ninjas, and the kusari gama was pretty great too, although I mainly used it on swarming weak enemies. I also used the twin katanas and true dragon sword on bosses.
All in all, I did enjoy NG2. I’ll admit the story was hilariously bad. It’s like a Hollywood action movie in terms of the story, but it differs in that it’s actually fun to play/watch. If it was a Hollywood movie it’d be downtuned to be suitable to 13 year old americans, aka it’d have no violence. SORT OF LIKE THE PS3 VERSION OF NINJA GAIDEN SIGMA DIGMA TOOTA 2. BAHA. Honestly though, trading in the delicious violence for a horribly deformed Ayane, some random woman with a naginata and co-op play? NO THANK YOU.TIFF
Ayane is listed as being as 16 in DOA3, and NG2 is set one year before the DOA1 tournament. Now, even assuming DOA1-4 somehow took place all in the same year, that would make Ayane, at the very maximum, 15.
The top one is Ayane as she appears in DOA, where she’s either 16 (but more likely) 17. Bit of a stretch but hey, DOA has always had uh..pretty strange characters. Yet they expect anyone to believe that the bottom one is a 14/15 year old? Ninja Gaiden is the more realistic looking games of the two as well, fucking stupid. It’s not just that, this NG2 remake looks fucking dumb. Adding co-op in a game not designed for it from the start is stupid, it’d take away any challenge whatsoever from the game. Not to mention..4 characters in an action game? I thought my hypothetical FFID action game was a ridiculous concept with 3..it’s just dumb to spread your focus on 3 separate gimmicky characters. Not to mention they all look lame. Ayane’s my favourite DOA character and whilst I think it’d be cool to play as her in NG2, I a) don’t realistically expect that to happen b) don’t want to play as her looking like a retard. Not to mention..the removed violence is FUCKING RETARDED. I’m not sure how deep it goes but I saw in a video that when somebody got a limb chopped off some shitty looking purple glowing light erupted forth. Dumb.
Enough ranting, overall, I enjoyed NG2 and I’ll be playing through the harder difficulties and new game+ soon I imagine. I want more games like DMC and NG, games that don’t lead you by the hand and act like you’re a dumb child. OH YOU NEW TO ACTION GAMES? LOOK @ THIS FUCKING CINEMATIC RYU ONE SHOT A NINJA WITH A SINGLE SHURIKEN. YOU WANT TO KILL NINJAS? ALRIGHT BE MY GUEST, THE GAME JUST STARTED. YOU WANT A TUTORIAL? FUCK YOU – HERE’S 5 NINJAS WHO ARE GOING TO BEAT THE FUCK OUT OF YOU WITHOUT PAUSE. WHAT’S THAT DID YOU JUST THROW A SHURIKEN? YOU STUPID DIPSHIT THEY DON’T EVEN DO DAMAGE THAT’S JUST A WAY TO KEEP YOUR COMBO GOING. YOU DIED? YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT. That’s how I want games to treat me, fuck yeah. No bullshit quicktime events, no crappy excuses for enemies, I want enemies that gang up on you and make you go ASDFUIH FUCKING INCENDIARY SHURIKEN AND ROCKET LAUNCHER NINJAS STOP FUCKING BLOWING ME UP. Why? because when you SUDDENLY TEAR THEIR LEGS OFFS WITH A WHORE DROP BEFORE LITERALLY OBLITERATING THEIR ENTIRE BODY WITH A 100 HIT VIGOORIAN FLAIL ULTIMATE TECHNIQUE it feels fucking awesome.
Darksiders looks shit, Dante’s Inferno will most likely be shit. Bayonetta I’ll probably end up getting even if the main character annoys me. Yet it’s Lord of Shadows that I really want..I really want it not to suck. Pleasepleaseplease don’t be full of QTEs. An action game where I get to play as a Montolio-esque character and kill huge monsters with EXTENDING HOLY CROSSES THAT SHOOT FIRE AHIOFSHOD.
YES. YES. THIS IS WHAT I WANT!!
In all honesty, Blizzard just need to hire me and give me all the money they have to make warcraft: FREEFALL IN DA DARK: MONTOLIO’S HAT. I’ll laugh in their fat faces when they go HEY M8 U WANNA PUT SOME HUGE SHOULDERPADS IN UR GAME? FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOUR SHITTY CHARACTER DESIGNS WE’RE GOING L4NT STYLE BABY. I’d make the most awesome game in the history of the universe, it’d be like a mix of DMC, Ninja Gaiden and DW. To top it off you’d have the best main character in the history of the universe, namely, Montolio. What’s that did a 500 foot tall giant just come blasting through that village and kill 90,000,000 people? No problem Mont will kill it with a fucking bow and arrow. Scratch that, he’ll kill it with a bow and hat. That’s right he’ll shoot his hat at the giant so hard it’ll crack the giants stoneass face. That’s more or less what Montolio evolved into other the years, inspired by people like Wander and Link, sure he used the light a lot but after he realised being lawful good was shit he just became a neutral pal, he’ll kill shit with only a sword and maybe a bow and arrow, and his hat. Fuck magic, kill bitches.
Wow 500 penises the torrent is now at 40% why is it so fucking slow. I’ll go TIME WARP to the future. (I’ll sleep.)
By the way this post is exactly 2000 words long.
